The freaks return Part 1...

You won's realise how fast time flies till you have that time to just sit down and think about the past. That's what actually happen to me. Lately I've got so much thoughts in my head that I just want to blog it out here, and being a habit of mine, I checked when was the last time I posted something - a year ago.

It's been a year. Events and things happened that is just slightly hard to recall everything. So let's just go thru the months and see how much I can recall. 

So at the start of the year I headed back to Msia to attend 2 of my closes friends' wedding, well technically 3 since 2 of them married to each other which makes that 2 weddings. Surprisingly I was happy that I was there. I got to see plenty of old faces, it felt like we have been away for so long that we are meeting back in one place together. Usually at a weddings I tend to think when is it my turn and last few years was bad as i was still in the process of getting over it. But this time around all I had was happy thoughts, a sense a familiarity, back in the presence of the people that matters to me, my friends who I walk my teenage years with. With a sincere heart I was glad that everything worked out for my friends. Not a hint of bitterness was found, just joy and blessings all around.

Now not long after that, an addition to the family. I'm an uncle now. Based on the photos I've received, that small little rascal seem to be growing well and healthy. Just can't wait to see that little rascal. Random fact - my high school friend who works as a nurse was one of the nurse in the delivery room, what a small world.

Went for a road trip with some friends not long after that. Visiting different parts of the coast around Victoria. From then onwards there wasn't much going on till October. This year is the second year, I took time off and went out with some friends. Last year we went hiking at Wilsons Prom, this year i face my fears of heights with some tree obstacles. October also marks the first time I went to a concert. Heading for another in December.

I'm glad that after a whole year plus of working that I've met new friends. It does makes life more interesting, not that my life is dull or anything, it just adds more laughter, good times, bad times, makes life more colourful. Been hanging out with them - movies, rock climbing, dinner, laser tag, escape room. It was fun.

Speaking of work I got sick of it.....too sick to even talk about it....

To be Continue...

Time...

Another week and it will 6 months since I've started my current job. Oh how time flies...

Time do really flies when you are occupied with things like work. In fact I don't even remember when I had a good night sleep. The working life kept me so busy that I've got no idea how my time passes so quickly. Maybe because at the end of a working day i got so tired and the things i need to do just drain everything up and another day just pass.

And time passes so fast that I didn't realise it has been more than a year until I sat down here now thinking something to type how life's been for the past few months. How did this come into my mind?! well liked I said, i was thinking an update on how my life been and one thing that I feel that is funny that recently for some reason people is trying match make me. People in office asking me to get a girlfriend, even the cleaner at work place talk wanting to match make me. Church friends ain't helping in that area as well. I mean suddenly different groups of friends in my life asking me to match make at the same time, i just find it funny. It is as though I have a sign on me that says I need someone. But the truth is at this time I don't really see myself with someone. Yes I've got to admit at times seeing people together do makes me feel that I need someone but that is just a a sudden void from seeing people together.

The truth is this post meant to be typed and posted on my birthday with the initial idea of some good memories of my 27 years of life. But I delayed it cause while I was thinking of the good things like knowing God, my family, making new friends, being in a relationship, seeing life as it is, the beauty of places in this world. It also reminds me the sad things that is slot in between those things. Remembering the scars that is left behind sure is hard. But after some time I remember and realise that it is those things both the happy and sad that makes us who we are today. That is all part of our experiences in life. To shape and mould us to be who we are. Just as much as it hurts me in the past, I'm glad that it happen. Cause at the end of it I know i'm a better person.

How I would be in another 27 years? I do not know. But I believe what ever comes my way I'll face it with everything I got, hoping to get the best out of everything, to be the best of who I can be.....at the end only time will tell.

700th!!!!!...

Woohoo!!!! its the 700 post and this little blog of mine turn 6 years old now. How times fly and the amount of things i've shared here. Yes I do admit most of the times is just things that has got nothing to do with this world, just my thoughts and frustration but I do believe there are some stuff somewhere in there that do blows your mind....or maybe not =P

Well it starts from here (click it!!!!! it will bring u to the first post...to where it began) that I blog when I came to Australia, and yes thats how long i've been here too. Initially I imagine that I'll do a more photo based blog, less of me mumbling/ grumbling all my useless self centred thoughts. But somehow it just got back into that some where. But I guess it is sometimes those thoughts that get us to think about things, well again I could be wrong about this.

Ok actuallly i'm typing this like 12.20am so my brain is kinda fuzzy at the moment but i'll try to list down or maybe say what i wanna say. And if I sound stupid/ like an idiot, you know why.

So here goes....some facts about this blog....

1) Most of my early posts are thoughts from my bore/lazy/sad/depressed brain from leaving Msia. But yet I manage to get past that somehow..

2) I was complaining or  maybe more of saying that how my weight didnt change when i first got here...and that was wrong cause i definately gain weight over the years when i'm here. The only thing I could say about that is I don't look like an sick addict =P hahhaha

3) Some tag post was done in this blog...and my old blog as I try to simultaneously  maintain 2 blogs but eventually that site die and erase which i mention in a post...it was a sad as though part of me died.

4) I noticed I had repeated titles, but on different dates with slightly different things in it. But I've always kept the way how I title my titles, try noticing it.

5) If I was being an anal statistician, i would count the other 699 post and categorise them into what sort of post each post are like. And since I'm not, I would say 45% is my own personal grumblings and thoughts which has no benefits to the world (IMO), another 45% is just me posting youtube videos just cause I think its funny, meaningful, or nice (in other words videos I like...), and the other 10% that really put something in to your brain to think a little......

6) I created another blog and ignored this blog for sometime and at one point tried to maintain both blogs at the same time...but yeah that obviously fail as I'm back here with the other blog with other purposes in mind.

ok I cant think anymore as it is getting late. But please do go through and read and leave a comment as its good to know that someone is reading though it might not be something important.

OK just quick update on whats happening in my life...surprisingly it is almost 1 year since i last posted something here and sure there are some things that happen...I'll try to remember and list as much as possible. Oh and I'm gonna cram everything as my eyes and brain are shutting fast....First off, new job. YAY!! though i've not been working long but so far so good, find that the working environment is not bad but every day I find myself exhausted from it. Next, great to see 2 friends from msia came to visit, and me being the good friend being their tour guide....bring them around, eat, eat, eat and eat...hey man, we are msians what do u expect?! 3rd, well life still the same and 1 years has almost pass though I'm over it but i'm sad that in all honesty i felt like i'm a just another stranger all over again. I guess that's part of life...4th i'm gonna study again if all my applications goes well and of course...5th something to do about the future but will explain more when the time comes........

And i'm off to bed...nights everyone

The Flow...

Lost...
Turning left...
Turning right...
Moving forward...
Taking a step back...
Searching....
What am I searching for...
No idea...
Just ride on the winds...
Let it bring me to some where...
Just go with the flow...
But still doesn't answer where should I stop...
Maybe I will know when I'm there...
But for now...
Just go with the flow...

Breaking down...

Soon it will happen....

it has been 4 months now exactly on the dot. And in the 4 months everyday I wear this mask saying I'm alright, life needs to go on, I need to get some priorities right, and whatever has happen is just a another event in life and i should learn from it and move on....but lately I'm slowly feeling the pain coming to me...the heartache....it is as though my feelings has been locked up in a box and not it is slowly seeping through the box...I guess soon one of these days I will fall and break down...

The unexpected dream...

Well i had this dream last night, it was some what nice and yet i feel sad at the same time...

It started when i was at this cafe alone, drinking a cup coffee, reading something, minding my own business. And then i heard some one call out to me and i was like "oh it was you" kinda expression (it was her). So we ended up sitting together asking hows things going over coffee. And when the time comes to go our  separate ways, it rained and I saw that she was walking back instead of driving which leads me to offer her a ride back. Initially she didn't want to but i insist since it was raining heavily. while in the car we continue to talk for a while, and the unexpected question came...do u still love me? I  ignored that question and move on to talk abt something else. I felt that i didnt want to answer cause I dont want to scare her away and yet at the same time i wanna say yes and ask her the same question...

And there is where it all ends..morning came and no matter how much i wanna know how that dream goes...it is still a dream. Chances of being real is impossible. And no matter how much i try to look pass what has happen between us. The feeling still there and it will never be the same....mayb time will change all of these but for now i just wanna look away from the grieve...

Looking towards the island...

Maybe there is opportunity there...looks promising

Random Thoughts...

Alright it was a really sunny sunny Saturday morning like it was so sunny that it burns my skin when it the sun shines thru the window and onto my bed while I'm still asleep and that was like 10 in the morning and few hours later it is drizzling...Thats Melbourne's weather to you the 4 seasons in one day.  Its spring already and want some nice warm sun with some chill breeze, not drastic change from super sunny to super cold....

It already past noon close to tea time for some...and i haven't had lunch yet and this old memory of mine came into my mine. In the church that I grew up in Msia back when i was a kid, there was this hawker show just right outside my church where they serve noodles like curry noodles, beef ball noodles, prawn noodles etc and of  course the typical chinese drinks. and just beside that shop there is this huge tree cover over the shop like it was huge shade which protects from the blazing hot sun of Msia. So the memories goes that i was having a plate of Wantan noodles and a cup Teh Si Ping. And I felt satisfied even though the portion was small and the heat was just killing me...

Who needs a title for something like this?!...

heard of this song while watching a video...kinda hook on it...

Complains, part of life....screw it!....

There are things in life all of hate or just want to complain abt it just because we can we are able to to do it. For an example, when petrol price rises its all over your news feed on any of your social media. Politics screw you over in some way, you complain too. Where am I heading with this? Just wanna complain that everyone complains....

Something I don't want....

I guess a friend of mine from high school just broke up as well cause the first thing i saw on my fb feed is this pic that says...

"my ex? we're not friends, we're not enemies. we're just strangers with some memories."

for some reason it does make some what of sense....but that's not i want - strangers

Looking...

At times we r just comfortable with the things ard us...i mean from family to friends to job/studies to even the basic things ard us like our room. For me there is pictures of us in my room one literally like next to my bed and for some reason the angle fits well that when i look from few directions you do still see that picture. Part of me wanna take them away but yet at the same time i just feel that it sits there very well. Oh the dilemma..what a pain... I guess in time to come when i think of moving things ard my room again i'll put it away then.... but for now it just shows me the beautiful smile and bring back memories and some agonising pain in the heart...

Lonely - 2NE1...

While listening to a bunch of kpop on youtube...though this old but it sounds good - enjoy it

Into the open...

Every now and then life throws shit at you...like how real life shit is being thrown at u, ur first reaction will be 'WTF?!" So in this life shit I'm in...somehow i feel sad/bitter and relieve....ok technically i shouldnt be saying shit but right now i cant find a better way to describe what had happen and how cut off i feel...

Somethings are meant to be said some are not...though part of me feel bitter that says fuck off dont fucking bother with my life anymore, you have decided with what you want so dont get the hell out of my life, at the same time another part of me says see what u have done to me and regret...and another part says forgive me of what i've said...i guess after all what i want is the truth not just a piece of it but the whole truth, the whole picture....though it might hurt me more but i rather be hurt than to linger on things that isnt even a truth..

It has been some time now that i've been working on somethings...and it is getting some where...i'm happy about it..though the initial plan was a surprise but i guess i could just scrap that and hopefully soon that I can show everyone what i've been working on. Its actually a huge surprise but now its gonna be something different...just got to wait and see how things turn out...

Approaching the end of the river, and into the sea...

Oh how I miss this blog of mine...i've not done much changes to it still looks the same as how i left, jumping to another blog just for my convenience. But none the less i still return to this blog of mine second of 3. Somewhat my favourite you may say. The first was gone thanks to the changes made on the host site...The 3rd surviving i think, more of time will change it sooner or later when I have plans for it. As of now i'll return to this blog of mine where I started this 5 years ago.

Life seems smooth going on the surface...at least that is what i want to believe. I'm at this junction again actually where I need to choose a direction i need to go. With so much uncertainty i'm lost for thought and words actually. And I know everyone cares about me and keep on asking me about things but honestly I don't really appreciate it unless it comes from her. Cause I don't know where I'm heading to. No answers, no certainty, just lost and confuse walking on the path that I've chosen hoping I make the right choice and even when it's wrong i would somehow make things right. And not to be rude or anything, i understand that people care but I hate it when I can't give you a simple answer and have to give a whole back story. To a person probably I will be willing to share it out but to a whole clan of people who can seem they need to ask for themselves one by one it gets kinda annoying.

I really hope all things goes well for now, pray for wisdom and courage to face what is heading my way or at least where I'm heading to, and none the less what is about to come at the end of the year...
I'm still afraid of what it might be. Though efforts to get things done a make things better still seems so hard. I'm really afraid that I'm being to comfortable in this state where I'm alright with the less talking and so on...it gives me fears that once I let it be it will grow larger and larger giving more space in between until we are so lost that we never find each other anymore. Some people might say just let it go give it a rest and start all over again after some time. I agree when all i see is so uncertain, almost like walking in a place full of fog, probably walking in circles or heading into possible sanctuary or just walking towards the edge of a cliff where everything ends...But i'm not giving up yet I need to know that i've put everything i got on the line for this...so that at the end no matter what the outcome is, I can say i've fought for it and not let go.

to end it here...an awesome song, time to look forward and hope the best!

"Young And Beautiful"

[Verse 1]
I've seen the world
Done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant
In Bel Air now
Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child

[Chorus]
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

[Verse 2]
I've seen the world, lit it up
As my stage now
Channeling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll
The way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul

[Chorus]
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

[Verse 3]
Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him in
Father tell me if you can
Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

[Chorus]
And will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?